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August 30, 2012
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Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, or any of the ideas or characters related to it. I do not own Marvel or any of its ideas or characters. I make no money from this writing.


My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

The Crusaders Prelude: Finding Oneself

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     My name is Lir, and the heat is killing me. The endless cloudless days of walking through barren desert, subsiding only on the water I carried and my own immense magical reserves, are taking their toll on me. I'm a shriveled up shadow of the pony/diamond dog freak that stepped off the cargo ship onto the sun-baked continent. Immediately I purchased what supplies I could, and then set off for the inside of the continent.

     This is a good place for me. The majority of the population now sticks to the coasts, in trading industries. I heard there are only a few wandering zebra tribes out here in the desert now. Their old customs are dying. I shouldn't have any problem avoiding them until it's time.

     I ran out of water two days ago. The golden sand burns with each step, loose enough to make each step a possible stumble. I can feel the dehydration settling in. My bones creak with every step. My tongue feels ready to crumble to dust. Joints ache. Veins becoming noticeable through my thinning coat. My medical training's allowing me to clearly observe my slow death in this heat. It is a better end than I deserve.

     LET ME OUT.

     My two hooves take me up this sand dune. This one last sand dune. I don't know why. I feel like I could just drop over dead with every step. Not long now. This is a tall dune.

     Memories slither into my fracturing mind. I remember Auntie Pinkie Pie reading me bedtime stories, and Auntie Twilight helping teach me to use magic with mother, and Auntie Applejack giving me my first apple. I'd tried telling her I'd had some before, but she saw right through my lie and taught me honesty.

     This dune is so tall. I remember Rainbow Dash, now their coach, getting me a free ticket to a Wonderbolts show. I remember my first crush was on Sweetie Belle. She's still a beautiful mare, even after altering her looks so much. I-

     LET ME OUT. I WON'T DIE IN A PLACE LIKE THIS.

     I ignore the voice and crest the sand dune, hope rising this will be the end.

     Down on the desert plain below, I see a dozen or so tents the color of the sand. Many or covered in scorch marks, others lay in tatters. Zebras litter the ground, groaning, weeping, screaming, black and white coats ruined by splashes of red.

     Dragon attack. I can feel the residual magic of dragonfire. I got here too late to die with most of this tribe.

     GET DOWN THERE AND HELP THEM, DOCTOR. OR ELSE I'LL FORCE MY WAY OUT AND HELP THEM.

     I don't question the sudden altruism. This isn't the first time. I don't say anything, my tongue too swollen in my mouth to be able to. I just slide down the dune to the nearest of the injured zebras, cast off my robe, and get to work.

     The moans of the dying are all around me, but inside my head there is only quiet, and calm. Helping, it seems, is where I belong.


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Lir will return this September in
THE CRUSADERS
This is almost definitely going to be the last of these short short stories before The Crusaders, I promise. I hope you few readers I have left enjoyed them, or at least found them tolerable.
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:iconpj202718:
Vision: Lir's internal monologue not only shows us that the zebra species is in decline where he went off to die, it hints as to what makes him wish to atone for. The angry, shouting voice begging to be let out is not one he wishes the world to hear again.

Originality: While Lir is Equestria's way of saying 'Bruce Banner', there's enough different about him to make him a part of their world.

Technique: Having him describe the environment where he seeks to perish contrasts nicely with his being interrupted by why he seeks out his demise.

Impact: This last prologue segment not only makes what was a horrifying destructive force into a sympathetic character, it more or less places one of the last characters on his or her mark for when the curtain goes up soon.
What do you think?
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1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbronyman1995:
Whoa. Short but super intense. Excellent.

Okay, review time:

Part One:

Nice and short, and above all, inpactful. We get this cute little scene of Spike, Gilda and Loki's home life, only to have it shattered before our eyes. Excellent. And an interesting paring, Spike and Gilda, totally didn't see that coming.

Part Two:

Again, nice and short, got to the point. The only qualm is that you might have used the phrase "The Changelings are dying". I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that our Dr. Doom is Shining Armor's and Cadence's kid. If so, then he fell FAR from the tree, that's for sure.

Part Three:

This one is actually my favorite, I've always liked the dynamic of Bruce Banner and the Hulk. You made it work very well with it as a voice in his head. What I would give to see these fully animated as a movie.


Overall, I'd say these are the best of your work so far. I hope to one day see them on FIMFiction, so that other people can bath in your awesome.
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1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconkyron0098:
Kyron0098 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012
It appears someone's mental state is in the gutter.
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:iconsolaris90:
Solaris90 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Eyup. After the things Lir has caused, the lives his actions have taken, it's to be expected.
Reply
:iconpj202718:
pj202718 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
Oh, my. And now we're taking a sideways look at his rampage from his perspective and it's even more heart-rending than the direct look we had. This is awesome. And sad. And scary. And it whets my appetite for the main event.
Reply
:iconsolaris90:
Solaris90 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Eh?

Oh, no, this is actually many years after Lir's/the Hulk's rampage. He's traveling the world, trying to find his place.
Reply
:iconpj202718:
pj202718 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012
Ah. Little does he realize that it's about to be "administering a comprehensive beatdown on the forces of New Tambelon."

In any event, I can't help but notice somepony consistently absent from the ponies from the past. Somepony steel-grey.
Reply
:iconsolaris90:
Solaris90 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You mean Derpy? Yeah, sorry, there's nothing significant about that. I just haven't been mentioning her.
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:iconpj202718:
pj202718 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012
Oh. Right. I forgot about the 'kept herself out of the mayhem' thing.
Reply
:iconsolaris90:
Solaris90 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No worries.
Reply
:iconpj202718:
pj202718 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012
It must be why she was/is glad that her grey coat allows her the ability to blend in with the background.
Reply
:iconsolaris90:
Solaris90 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Indeed.
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